April is National Humor Month
*March 31 – April 2. MOVIE: The Shack. Rated PG-13. Drama. Imperial Theatre, Friday-Saturday, 7:30. Sunday, 7 pm. Wauneta Chateau Theatre, 7 pm, Friday-Sunday. Phone 394-5445. Thanks to Duane and Beverly Dinnel, first 50 patrons each night get free admission.
April Fool’s Day. Would you have fallen for this? The Left-Handed Burger. In 1998, Burger King tricked customers with a full-page advert in USA Today. The ad plugged its ‘left-handed Whopper’. The burger had all the condiments and rotated 180 degrees for left-handed diners. Burger King broke the news with the line: ‘Everyone knows that it takes two hands to hold a Whopper!’
April 1. Pancake Breakfast, St. Patrick Friendship Hall, 7 to 10 am. Pancakes, eggs, juice, milk, and coffee in exchange for free-will donation to the Imperial Rotary Club. Proceeds will purchase sit-to-stand lift for Imperial Manor. Phone Laura at 414-1055 or Cheryl at 883-0265 for more information.
April 1. Presentation on Islam, Zion Lutheran Church, 1305 Broadway, 1 to 4 pm. Presenter Adam Francisco teaches Islamic Studies and Christian Apologetics at Concordia Theological Seminary in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
April 2 – June 24. 14th Annual Walk to Health, sponsored by the Southwest Nebraska Public Health Department. To participate in 12-week program, register at walk.fitthumb.com, Pin #4563. If you’re not online, phone 308-345-4223 or drop by the Imperial office at 501 Broadway.
A priest, a rabbi, and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ”Is this some kind of joke?’
April 4,11,18; May 2. Round table discussions to follow up on ECAP survey (go.unl.edu/imperial), 6 pm, Imperial City Gym. April 4: Eight characteristics. April 11: Discovery Tool. April 18: Setting Priorities. May 2: Action Plan. Phone Jason Tuller, Director, Imperial Community Development, 308-882-4368.
April 7. Quilt Show featuring Prior’s New Generation Fabric Store, 6-9 pm, at Meadowlark Gallery, 248 Central Avenue in Grant. See Meadowlark Gallery Facebook page.
April 7. Pancake Supper and Silent Auction, Rainbow Promise Preschool, 5 to 8 pm. Preschoolers will perform. Tickets $5 available from preschoolers or at the door.
*April 7-9. MOVIE. Beauty & the Beast. PG. Adaptation of fairy tale about monstrous-looking prince and young woman who fall in love. Imperial Theatre, Friday-Saturday, 7:30. Sunday, 7 pm. Phone 882-4368 to volunteer. Wauneta Chateau Theatre, 7 pm, Friday-Sunday. Phone 394-5445.
April 8. Crazy Quilt Guild meeting, 1:30 p.m., Imperial Community Center. Phone Vivian at 883-5873 or Linda at 883-1770 for details. (Every second Saturday.)
April 8. Lions Club Easter Egg Hunt, 1 pm, Imperial City Park. Storm date is April 15. Lions Club members will hide 4000 candy-filled plastic eggs, each also containing a quarter, donated by the Lions Club with local banks and credit services.
April 8. White Barn Treasures, 34764 733 Road, Wauneta. 9 am to 3 pm. Breakfast and lunch will be served. Local vendors with handmade, repurposed and vintage items, home based businesses. Fun barn/community atmosphere.
April 9. Sunday Buffet, Imperial Community Center, 11 am to 1 pm. Adults $10; children 10 years and younger $5. Phone 882-5343.’
I went on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. Never again.
APRIL 9-15. National Library Week. Stop by the Lied Imperial Public Library and find out for yourself how “Libraries Transform” – the 2017 theme.
April 10. Diabetes Support Group, Chase County Hospital, Basement Conference Room, 6 to 7:30 pm. See chasecountyhospital.com – Upcoming Events or phone Julie at 882-7386. (Every second Monday of the month.)
April 10, 15. Mercy Meals of Southwest Nebraska, 112 South Tecumseh Avenue, Wauneta. Regular packaging events Monday, 6-8 pm; Saturday, 9-11 am. Phone Mary at 883-6761.
April 11. Broadway Book Bunch. Imperial Library, 7 pm. Discussion of The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins. Ask at the library for a copy.
*April 14-16. MOVIE. Beauty & the Beast. PG. Imperial Theatre, Friday-Saturday, 7:30. Sunday, 7 pm. Phone 882-4368 to volunteer. Wauneta Chateau Theatre, 7 pm, Friday-Sunday. Phone 394-5445.
April 17. Cancer Support Group, Chase County Hospital, Basement Conference Room, 7 pm. Food/beverages, program, tips and advice. Meetings are confidential. For more information, phone Deb Hrcka at 882-7290 or email email@example.com. (Every 3rd Monday of the month.)
If you’ve never heard of the singer Tom Jones, you won’t get this one:
“Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green, Green Grass of Home.'”
Doc says, “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”
“Is it common?” I ask.
“It’s not unusual,” he replies.
April 19. Imperial Chamber Meeting, Community Center, Noon. Phone Center at 882-5343 before 9 a.m. to reserve lunch, $8.
April 20. Freedoms Foundation students will present a program about their trip to Valley Forge, PA. Lied Imperial Public Library, 6:30 pm. The public is welcome to attend.
Did you know that the Chase County chapter is one of only two Freedoms Foundation chapters in the state of Nebraska?
*April 21-23. MOVIE. Going in Style. Rated PG13. Three lifelong pals risk it all in a daring bid to knock off a bank that absconded with their money. Stars Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Alan Arkin. Imperial Theatre, Friday-Saturday, 7:30. Sunday, 7 pm. Phone 882-4368 to volunteer.
*April 21-23. MOVIE. Power Rangers. rated PG13. Five teens learn the world is about to be obliterated by an alien threat. They’re the only ones who can save the planet. Wauneta Theatre, 7 pm, Friday-Sunday. Phone 394-5445.
April 22. Pancake Breakfast, St. Patrick Friendship Hall, 7:30 to 10:30 am. Pancakes, eggs, juice, milk, and coffee in exchange for free-will donation to the Imperial Rotary Club. Proceeds will purchase sit-to-stand lift for Imperial Manor. Phone Laura at 414-1055 or Cheryl at 883-0265 for more information.
April 24-25. Stop Human Trafficking. April 24, 7-9, Lied Imperial Public Library. Free, open to the public. No children, please. April 25, 9-10 am, Chase County Schools, Open to the public. Presenter Glen Parks is a prosecutor with the Nebraska Attorney General’s Office and Coordinator of the Nebraska Human Trafficking Task Force. Phone Mid-Plains Community College, 308-882-5972. VIDEO: “What is Human Trafficking?”
April 25. Lion’s Club, 6 pm, M&M’s Natural Jaz. Cost: Pay for supper. President, Jayne Henry, 308-882-4095 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
“I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.”
*April 28-30. MOVIE. The Boss Baby. Rated PG. Suit-wearing briefcase-carrying baby pairs up with his seven-year old brother to stop the dastardly plot of the CEO of Puppy Co. Imperial Theatre, Friday-Saturday, 7:30. Sunday, 7 pm. Phone 882-4368 to volunteer. Wauneta Chateau Theatre, 7 pm, Friday-Sunday. Phone 394-5445.
April 30-May 1. The Lion King Jr, Chase County Schools Spring Musical, 7:30 pm. Co-directed by Randy Hayes and Jill Bauerle.
*Movie titles are subject to change. Phone 882-4368 or 394-5445 to verify.
Imperial Community Center, 882-5343: Free Exercise Classes for Men and Women, 10 am, Monday and Wednesday; Women’s Coffee, MWF, 9 am; Men’s Coffee, M-F, 8 am; Bingo, Tues, 1 pm; Lunch, M-F, Noon, $6 under 60, $5 above. Please phone by 9.
Tuesday, Noon— Rotary Club at M&M Jaz. Laura Gaschler, 414-1055. See Facebook page for updates.
Wednesday, 3 pm—Bingo at Parkview Heights. Phone 882-5333.
Thursday, 9 am—TOPS at Imperial Community Center. Lorna, 883-5304.